The idea of a list of celebrities that you can get with and it doesn’t count as cheating has been around for a while. Friends covered it in “The One With Frank Jr.” wherein Ross eliminated Isabella Rossellini before he laminated his list… which he did just before he bumped into her at the coffee house.
Ross: Oh no, no, wait, wait! Isabella, don’t… don’t just dismiss this so fast. I mean, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Isabella Rossellini: Yeah, for you.
The odds of us meeting and then hooking up with these celebrities are in the neighborhood of Slim and None. That improbability is what makes the game safe for a happily married girl like me. I don’t actually want to break up any families, starting with my own rather nice one. But I do enjoy me some good-looking men, so I’m certainly up for playing. Plus, it’s a great way to learn about people.
The kind of person that you are attracted to says a whole lot about you. Are you drawn to bad boys? Do you go for women with great personalities, regardless of their looks? Are you drawn to rocket scientist types? Does your ideal woman sport a sleeve of tattoos and a pierced anything? Someone who is great with kids? Mary Ann or Ginger? Or are you looking for a big, strapping, manly man (who is perfectly good at expectorating)?
Sheepdog and I are always updating our lists. Here’s my current one …
That’s my list. Obviously, I have a type. And also I like men in their underpants. For this purpose, I overlook their politics or their movie roles or their marital status, although I would like to point out that mine are all fairly well-behaved, nice, family men. Kind of like Sheepdog, now that I think about it.
And speaking of Sheepdog, here’s his current list…
Kind of not like me. Dirty, dirty girls. And that Beyonce scares me to death, frankly. But this is his fantasy list, so go for it Sheepdog.
One last thing… this past Spring Jennifer Garner and her husband, Ben Affleck, were in Atlanta while she was filming a movie. There were several sightings of each of them in Sheepdog’s office building in Buckhead, and rumor had it that they were working out at the fancy gym that is on the top floor. Of course I took this opportunity to ride those elevators like it was my job in order to facilitate a chance encounter with someone who has been on my list for over a decade. Sadly, it was not meant to be, because I never once saw him let alone got to tell him he was on my list.
Sheepdog quickly got sick of me showing up at his place of employment under the pretense that I missed him and wanted to take him to lunch. He knew exactly what I was up to and called me out on it.
“So what? You are riding on the elevator for like an hour (stalker), and Ben does happen to get on with you at some point. What would you even say?”
I was not about to let him get the best of me. So I said, “If Ben Affleck got on the elevator with me I would play it cool and very obviously and slowly look him up and down. Then I would say loud enough for him to hear, ‘Very nice, but in my fantasy you were wearing one of those matching track suits, like in Good Will Hunting.'”
Then I would get off of the elevator and actually take Sheepdog to lunch. Because I am a very lucky girl.
Wish me luck for tomorrow…