You may be wondering about all of the odd names I use on this blog. Some I use as terms of endearment, some I use for privacy and the rest I use so those I pick on can’t be definitively sure that I’m insulting them. I’ll add more as we go along.
Remember… all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Here’s a Translation Guide for some of the more commonly referred to “characters” in my writing:
The Sheepdog is my better half. We have been married for eighteen years and together just shy of twenty. We met in college at West Virginia University. He was a chemical engineering major and I was fun. After college he went on to become a lawyer. He is one of the smartest, most level-headed people I know. He has a very strong work ethic and an uncanny mechanical ability. Over the years I have referred to him with an assortment of names (“Slow Feet” when he’s being lazy, “Jessica” when he is whining like a little girl, “Dumbass” when he doesn’t see things my way,etc. – you get the picture), but “Sheepdog” refers to one who watches over his flock. In old Bugs Bunny cartoons Sam the Sheepdog clocked in and clocked out and always kept the sheep safe from the wolf, seemingly without much effort. Ever-prepared and ever-vigilant, the Sheepdog is reliably on top of things. My Sheepdog is also an avid cycling enthusiast and general biking stud. He is always hungry. He is part Macgyver, part Einstein, part Armstrong (Lance), part Larry the Cable Guy (c’mon… he’s from West Virginia), part fifteen-year-old boy. After all of this time together, we kind of share a brain. And let me assure you that it is scary in there!
Kid A really is a fifteen-year-old girl. She is an enchantingly beautiful and graceful ballerina, yet kind of a clumsy athlete. She is super smart and a die-hard rule follower. Her hobbies are writing, photography and sarcasm. She is driving and dating and hormonal. Ugh to that Perfect Storm.
Kid B is a twelve-year-old girl/ 22-year-old woman. Her athletic abilities are super-charged. She has a very tough exterior, but an innate ability to empathize and care. She is wonderfully sweet to her little brothers. For a good part of 2003 – 2005 she believed that she was either a dog or a horse.
Kid C is a tween girl with her head and her heart in the clouds. I’m not sure if she actually knows our last name. When she is not busy drawing cartoons or making something out of nothing, she can usually be found chasing unicorns and rainbows. Or looking for her misplaced glasses. She tells a mean dirty joke.
Kid D is a six-year-old boy with a mind like a steel trap. It is extremely convenient when I forget to bring the grocery list to the store, not so much when I say something different from what I said yesterday. He has been playing baseball since in the womb. His favorite show is “Top Shot” on the History Channel. His temper tantrums have been known to shake the earth like a Tyrannosaurus rex.
Kid E is as ornery as three-year-olds come. He challenges every rule, pushes every boundary, exasperates every last nerve. He is so handsome that he’s pretty. His favorite toys are inside of his underpants. He is tough as nails, except for when he is hugging his Mommy.
Your blog is AWESOME! I LOVED, LOVED and loved some more reading and learning all about you and your family. I look forward to more stories from your cast of characters!
Love, Cousin Candy
Ok I feel like I just got the cliff notes version of your family and I can’t wait to get to know you all better. You sound like my kind of people!!! We have more in common than I realized!
Stace — I don’t comment much, but I read every blog and think you are the most talented, funny, wonderful woman on the earth. Not to mention an incredible mom. You have so much to be proud of — but if you won’t and can’t accept all the kudos, know that there is someone out there (me) who thinks you are awesome and loves you so much! Vicki