Yes, I do know a little something about the penal code

So, I visited my hometown this past weekend, spent a few hours one day just speeding driving around my old neighborhood thinking maybe I’d see one of the many boys I grew up kissing who are now totally cute police officers in said town, yet not once did I see a cop.  (What?  Don’t you judge me.  Mama’s just doing some window shopping.  I don’t ever buy anything!).  Ironically, as I was driving home from the airport last night so excited to see Sheepdog and the kids, I ran a yellow light and immediately saw the flashing blue lights behind me.  Oh, crap.  In yet another exciting turn of events, the police officer at hand ended up being completely smoking hot.

As he was asking for my license and registration, I kept thinking over and over in my head, “You are yummy.  Am I suspicious-looking enough for a pat-down?”   Or, maybe I said it out loud.  I plead the Fifth.  He walked back to his patrol car (I think he was laughing, so maybe I did mutter something – who even knows?) and ran my very boring record on his policeman’s computer.  My heart was beating a mile a minute when he returned  to my car just a few minutes later.

“All right, Miss, you be careful out there,” he said in his hunky, Hollywood cop voice.  I was shocked and I thanked him for only issuing me a warning.  “No warning,” he corrected me with a pearly white smile.  “You have a nice night, okay?”  As I not so subtly checked out his walk back to his cruiser in my side view mirror, I was incredibly grateful for many things: (1) he did not call me Ma’am; (2) I would not have to fork over any cash for a moving violation fine; and of course (3) good-looking men in uniform.

When I got back to the house and told Sheepdog of my tribulation, he was shocked that I did not get a ticket.  He kept asking me if I had flashed my boobs or some other inappropriate no-fair-cute-girls-get-away-with-anything accusation.  He was incredulous, but we were both so glad to see each other that he decided to just let it go.  I checked on all five sleeping kids and crawled into bed, dreaming of sexy Halloween costumes for Sheepdog, so grateful to finally be home.

Wish me luck for tomorrow…