I was cleaning off the kitchen table after breakfast on Saturday morning. It was just me and Kid A and both of the boys. Sheepdog and Kid B were at another soccer tournament in Tucker, GA, and Kid C had a sleepover at Nanny’s house the night before and hadn’t gotten back yet. I was planning my day out loud. I needed to schedule a run (even though when you run as slowly as I do it is technically called a “walk”) and I was trying to get myself excited about it.
“Well,” I began, “Yesterday marked exactly three months until Daddy and I go to Mexico on our vacation.”
“That’s nice,” said six-year-old Kid D. At least somebody in the room was listening to me and my stream-of-consciousness ramblings. Although he was very engrossed in NCAA football, so he may have been talking to the television and not to me. Or his father has already taught him to always acknowledge the sound of a woman’s voice, even if it was in that “Sure, I’m paying attention to you” way.
I continued, “… and I am not planning on taking this big butt on our trip, so I need to fit in a run-slash-walk and then I’m going to do some P90X.”
Kid D was all of a sudden clearly paying attention to me (presumably because I said the word “butt”). He put down the remote and came over to me in the kitchen. “Mom, you have to bring your butt with you. How else are you going to sit down?” he inquired.
I clarified, “I am still bringing a butt on the trip, just not this great, big one. It will be a smaller version of my current butt.”
None of my other kids in the room said a word. And either Kid D totally understood me, or his father has also already taught him how to navigate the DANGER! DANGER! that can often result when women are discussing their weight.
“Well, I already think you’re beautiful, mom,” said my loving, angelic, currently ranked #1 son. I was both proud of his compassion and flattered by his compliment.
Then the dumb boy added, “But I think it’s great that you’re finally getting skinny because big butts don’t really fit on airplane seats.”
Then he gave me a hug and went right back to watching College Game Day live from Houston. Oh, how quickly they can fall out of favor.
Wish me luck for tomorrow…