When we get to have dinner at the table like civilized people we will often go around and everybody will tell a little something about their day. Last night only Kid B was out of the house for soccer practice, so the rest of us were chatting it up together, all whilst eating a yummy spread of ham, homemade mac and cheese, mixed veggies and a salad (I’m trying to prove to Sheepdog that I really need this new and improved kitchen by reminding him that I can do more than order from the Pearl Lian). It is a nice family ritual and keeps us all connected to each other. Everybody had a lot to say last night, mostly about what had been happening the first week of school.
Kid E started with, “I went to school today…” (no he didn’t). Then he proceeded to tell us all exactly what he ate, what he played, and how many times he went to the bathroom. I cut him off at the pass and gave the floor to Kid D.
Kid D presumably had something of substance to say, but he is easily rerouted to potty humor (he is the apple and I am the tree) so we then heard some nonsensical story about poop from him. Enough. We were eating a nice dinner for goodness’ sake, and I’m trying to butter up Sheepdog for the new kitchen. You kids are killing me here!
Kid C was kind of giggly and way into her mac and cheese (score for mom’s kitchen!) and she didn’t have much to add to the conversation, so Kid A took over. First order of business was to ask her father if she could go to dinner and a movie on Saturday night with her boyfriend. He is a senior and she is a sophomore, by the way. He’s a very nice boy and I actually like him. He is very sweet and respectful to her. At the same time, though, I once dated a boy who was a senior and I remember what was always on his mind. No wonder Sheepdog feels the need to buy another gun. Ugh!
Then Kid A talked about what she learned in Spanish class. I thought she was going to tell a story, but turns out it was a joke.
A guy walks into a bar. He notices a man in the corner with a teeny, tiny piano player who is accepting song requests for money. They are causing quite a commotion, so he asks the bartender about them. “Oh, there’s some homeless man in the alley who will grant you a wish if you buy him dinner,” said the bartender. So the man buys a pizza and delivers it to the homeless man in the alley. The homeless man thanks him and then offers to grant him one wish in return. The man thinks for a moment. “I would really like a million bucks,” he says. Before he knows it, hundreds of thousands of ducks start raining down from above. The man is disappointed and confused, so he goes back into the bar and approaches the man in the corner. “I don’t know what just happened. I asked the homeless man for a million bucks, yet he gave me a million ducks.” “Tell me about it, man. Do you think that I actually asked for a 10-inch pianist?” I at least hope that she learned it en Espanol. So much for a nice family dinner… two poop stories and a penis joke. I’m never going to get a new kitchen now.
Wish me luck for the weekend…
This is How I Do It... 